Why Respecting Pronouns Is Essential: It’s More Than a Name Change

Why Respecting Pronouns Is Essential: It’s More Than a Name Change

When someone gets married, we happily update their last name in our phones, how we address them, and any correspondence. It’s a joyful adjustment.

When someone gets divorced, we make those changes without hesitation.

If a child wants to be called something different after being adopted, nobody bats an eye.

But when someone realizes that the gender they were assigned at birth doesn’t match how they truly identify, suddenly, people take personal offense. They act as if acknowledging this truth is somehow a threat or a burden.

Here’s the truth: If you’ve never questioned your own gender identity, you likely haven’t thought much about how deeply these things matter. You were born, a doctor declared your sex based on anatomy, and you grew up without a second thought. The gender prescribed to you fit seamlessly. There was nothing to question or worry about.

But what if every time someone called you “he” or “she,” it felt wrong? What if the way others saw you never aligned with who you truly are? Every time someone suggested you wear a dress—or not wear one—it might cause a kind of internal pain that no one else could see.

Why Pronouns Matter

I’ve worked with LGBTQ+ youth for years, and I can tell you firsthand the impact that using the correct name and pronouns has. I’ve seen kids come in crying with joy the first time their parents used their true pronouns. It is literally an act of suicide prevention.

Imagine this: A parent walks into a room and uses the right pronouns for their child, maybe for the first time. That moment can be life-changing. It’s so much more than just words—it’s about validating someone’s existence, their truth, their whole being.

Here’s the thing: Most of us have faced mistreatment or judgment at some point for something we didn’t choose. Whether it’s our skin color, socioeconomic status, body size, religion, or gender identity, these are just parts of who we are. So, why can’t we understand that gender identity deserves the same respect?

If you can empathize with the pain of being “othered” for things beyond your control, you can understand how crucial it is to respect pronouns.

Empathy in Action

If someone asks you to refer to them in a certain way, just do it. It doesn’t have to be complicated. And if you struggle with it internally? That’s okay, too—but it’s on you to work through that discomfort. Go to therapy. Seek resources. But please, don’t put that burden on the person simply asking to be seen for who they are.

Dale Carnegie once said, “A person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” This quote is often used to justify using people’s names repeatedly in conversation, but at its core, it’s about respect. Using someone’s name—and in this case, pronouns—shows that you value them as an individual.

How to Be a Better Ally

So, how can we be better allies? It starts with educating yourself. Tomorrow is International Pronouns Day and there is no better day than to start or continue your own self-education journey! Listen to those whose experiences differ from yours. Learn, make mistakes, correct them, and continue growing. No one is asking for perfection—we’re asking for empathy and effort.

If you’re interested in diving deeper into this, here are some excellent resources on pronouns and gender identity:

• GLSEN Pronouns Guide

• The Trevor Project’s Guide to Being an Ally

At PEBS, we’re committed to inclusivity in everything we do. Whether it’s respecting pronouns, empowering LGBTQ+ voices, or helping our clients navigate digital marketing, our goal is to create a space where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued for who they are.

If you found this post helpful, share it with someone who could benefit from learning more about the importance of pronouns. Together, we can create a more inclusive world—one conversation at a time.